


So what is it?

by Mariska



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Anal Sex, M/M, Pheromones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 15:15:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8849935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mariska/pseuds/Mariska
Summary: The engines are off and the Cat and Lister are freezing. Then Lister remembers that getting naked together can conserve body heat and things get weird.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Slightly crack pairing I know, but I wanted to write something a bit different. Anyway, none of this will have happened once the timeline reasserts itself :)
> 
> Thanks to GrantNaylor for Red Dwarf and the posse

"I'm so cold!"

"Stop smeggin' moaning!"

"But you monkeys have more hair than me! You're used to the cold. We cats are used to curling up next to a warm radiator. I can't stand it!" the Cat whined. Lister felt like throwing something at him.

"If you hadn't spent all last week waxing then you'd have more hair too! Put on my spare jacket if you're that cold."

"Wear that thing? No way! Not unless I can add some fur, take in the waist, soak it in disinfectant..."

"Forget it!"

This had been going on for days, ever since the engines had died and they'd found themselves without heating. Rimmer and Kryten had gone on the long journey to the cargo decks to get some food, leaving the two of them behind to try and keep warm in the interim.

Change that to try and keep warm and not kill each other, thought Lister. He couldn't understand why the Cat was moaning so much. Yes it was really cold but at least they had eaten, even if it had been cold beans again when the bicycle-powered hairdryer had once more failed to fry the eggs. Maybe trapped wind was making the Cat cranky.

"Let's just try to get some sleep, ok? Rimmer's got some extra blankets in his cupboard, use those."

The Cat pulled out the entire contents of Rimmer's cupboard until he found two ship-issue blankets, which he dragged back to the bottom bunk. He sat on it with the blankets wrapped around him, still shivering and looking at Lister accusingly.

"We've been over this, it isn't my fault! I told you, I wasn't the one who tried to fix Holly!" Lister shouted, trying to ignore the fact that he was getting really cold himself. He wasn't sure at what temperature humans froze to death but he knew they couldn't be too far off it. He wracked his brains to think of ways to warm up. Exercise? They had the bike, but he was so out of shape he couldn't pedal fast enough to work up a sweat.

He thought back to the time he couldn't afford to put the heating on, so he and Lise had snuggled together in bed all day under the duvet. Having sex certainly warms you up, he thought to himself and for a moment his mind wandered to another time. Shaking his head, Lister concentrated on the original thought that two naked bodies together was one of the best ways to conserve body heat. He looked at the Cat shivering on the bunk, wondering whether to suggest it. He'd been so irritating that Lister was tempted to let him freeze, but then thought better of it. After all if the Cat froze he wouldn't be far behind.

"I've got an idea man, but you might not like it," he started hesitantly. "There's this thing we can do, y'know, to keep our core temperatures up. We could, umm, we could share body heat."

"What?" the Cat looked confused and Lister remembered he'd have to explain it in words of one syllable. He just hoped he wouldn't have to resort to drawing pictures.

"We just have to get closer together, y'know, skin on skin like. That way we won't lose heat as quickly. But it'll only work if we get...err," Lister stumbled a bit but then decided to go for it. "We have to get naked."

"Oh! Why didn't you say earlier? I don't care about getting naked, my body looks gorgeous with or without clothes. It's you monkeys that are weird about getting undressed in the light."

To demonstrate his complete lack of self-consciousness, the Cat stripped naked in just a few seconds, taking more time to fold his clothes neatly than he had to get undressed. Shivering violently, he pulled the bunk mattress onto the floor and pulled all the blankets over himself, shouting "Hurry up dormouse-cheeks, it's freezing under here by myself!"

Lister slightly more self-consciously shed his own clothes and threw them in a heap in the corner before getting under the covers behind the Cat. He tentatively moved closer, knowing that it was skin to skin contact that made the real difference to body temperature. The Cat huffed a bit in annoyance, then allowed Lister to spoon him. The blankets slipped forward, leaving Lister's bare backside exposed to the cold, so he shifted even closer and pulled on the covers, eliciting another huff and a fierce tug of war began.

As they wrestled for control of the blankets, Lister couldn't help admiring the Cat's skin, it looked so smooth and polished compared to his own grubby exterior. The feline muscles rippling beneath the surface made him slightly ashamed of his own not-so-toned body, a large proportion of which was now wedged up against the Cat's back, who continued to squirm and fight for the covers. If only he'd stop moving around! thought Lister, so on impulse he bit the Cat's neck from behind and hung on.

Immediately the air between them seemed to crackle with tension. The Cat stopped moving, a low growl starting in his throat. He didn't speak but moved his buttocks backwards, pressing into Lister, who couldn't control his own body's reaction. The combination of smooth heated naked skin, repressed frustration and the power he felt at that moment was amazingly arousing. The growling got louder.

What now? thought Lister, still gripping the Cat's neck with his teeth. Then he smelt something. Something sweet. Sort of sweet and musky. Sweet, musky and, oh so sexy. Lister's arousal ratcheted up several levels as he took a couple of deep sniffs. He let go of the Cat's neck, who snarled as the contact was broken, but immediately Lister started lapping the same spot with his tongue, causing the snarls to turn to a deep purring. There was no doubt that both of them were now highly aroused, the Cat pushing his buttocks back rhythmically into Lister's growing erection.

Lister felt as if his brain had taken a vacation - his world had been condensed down into skin, scent and instinct. He continued to lap at the Cat's neck with his tongue, then changed to sucking and biting, wanting to taste more. The pheromones tickled his nose and he buried himself closer to the Cat, trying to get as much contact between them as possible. The purring was louder now and only served to spur Lister on further. He reached round, ran his hand down the taut chest, over the hard nipples until he found the Cat's cock, gripping it tightly, savouring the length, girth and texture, so different to his own. He soon found that the Cat responded to squeezing and he tried to match the rhythm of the hips being thrust back into him. His own cock was rock hard, responding enthusiastically to all the sensations being thrown at him. He felt his hand get wet, the Cat was excreting some sort of thick lubricant and instinctively Lister knew what to do with it. He gathered some on his fingers, moved his hand to the Cat's buttocks and liberally applied it to the puckered hole.

The Cat moved quicker than Lister could react to, throwing the blankets off them and gracefully getting into a crouching position on his knees, buttocks presented high in the air. Now that they had lost contact, the growling had started again and Lister found himself making a similar noise as he leapt onto the Cat's back, draping himself over the lithe body in front of him. He took some more lubricant and applied it to himself quickly, there was no time for thought. His aching cock found what it was looking for and he plunged deeply into the Cat, both of them emitting a snarling noise as he did so.

There was no notion of being cold as Lister felt a primeval lust grip him. Nothing existed except the Cat's scent and the joining of their bodies. Their coupling was raw and aggressive, each one thrusting powerfully towards the other. Not able to reach the Cat's neck with his teeth, Lister reached out and pinched the skin that he had previously bitten, the desire to possess the animal beneath him spurring him on. The Cat responded by arching his back and howling as he climaxed. He's mine! Lister's brain screamed triumphantly as his own orgasm stampeded through him and he roared in ecstasy.

*****

Several long minutes later, Lister found himself on the floor, naked, covered roughly in a pile of blankets. It took him a moment to work out what was going on, then in a flash he remembered. He remembered the feeling of possessive lust, the enticing scent, the frantic thrusting - what he couldn't remember was why? He looked up at the Cat, who was almost dressed.

"What the smeg just happened?"

"Oh hey bud! How you feelin'?" the Cat grinned at him, incisors gleaming.

"Confused! Why did we just have sex?"

"Oh that? I think I was in heat. That's prob'ly why I was so cranky these last few days. Now I feel good with a capital Goo."

"In heat?!" Lister thought that was ironic considering this had all started because the Cat had been so cold. "Is that really a thing?"

"Yeah, I think that's what it was. You must have triggered something when you bit me," the Cat said, casually smoothing down his jacket and making a start on his hair.

"Thanks for the warning!" Lister glared at the Cat but he just shrugged his shoulders."But why did it affect me too? I was like a smeggin' wild animal, I couldn't control meself!"

"How should I know bud? I'm not a biology teacher! Are you going to get dressed? It's not a good idea to laze around naked when it's this cold. Here, have another blanket."

Lister gave an exasperated sigh, trying to get his head round male feline PMS, then looked up in horror as Kryten and Rimmer walked into the sleeping quarters. Rimmer too looked horrified as his eyes moved over the contents of his cupboard strewn around, his bunk mattress with extra stains, and finally stopped on Lister, who was crouching naked under the pile of blankets, not able to look Rimmer in the eye.

"What on Io happened here?" Rimmer said accusingly.

"I don't wanna talk about it!"

"Sir, we've found something interesting," Kryten said, looking quite pleased to have a mess to clear up. "We need to consult Holly."

"You go, I'll catch you up," Lister said wearily, thankfully watching them leave.

That's the last time I try to be helpful, he thought, and the next time the Cat is cranky I'm going on a tour of the cargo decks.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still new to this and wasn't sure how to tag. Should I have tagged it dubcon because neither of them really have any control? Any advice on tagging gratefully received!


End file.
